Grief is a funny thing

5/7/33-2/22/01
Every year around this time especially, I start to think about Grandpa Del. At this time he and Grandma Darlene were living with us while he underwent chemo for stage IV lung cancer. He was such an amazing man and his death had a profound impact on me. I knew I liked him...I knew I loved him...I even knew that someday when he was gone I would miss him. I had NO idea how much. In my random blog wanderings, I came across this blog on Grief. I don't know if this lady is a writer, a philosopher, a geophysicist...whatever she does, her words spoke to me. They put into words exactly how I felt when Grandpa Del finally lost his struggle with cancer. One thing she mentions is..."How do you pretend at work or the meetings or the bank that everything is fine, because after all, overwhelming perfect strangers with your loss is not polite..." Different people deal with grief differently, some with more skill and grace than others. Me? I went off the deep end. I still remember the day after Grandpa died...I went shopping. I bought a sweater that I still love. I still remember what I wore to the funeral--I will NEVER wear that outfit again (but the strange thing is that, so far, I haven't gotten rid of it). After Grandpa died I stopped going to school. I was a Fresno State and just stopped going. But I told nobody. Instead, I worked. For some reason, it was easier to work all day with happy brides who just wanted a pretty wedding than it was to go to school and think. People deal with grief differently...Nine years later, I like to believe I am done grieving. But I still tear up at the song of "Amazing Grace".